#stop being biphobic and lesbophobic challenge

[cerise-means-cherry]

Lesbians can fuck whoever they want <3

I gather this is a reaction to my previous reblog ?

Yes, lesbians can have sex with whoever they want, but if they have sex with men and enjoy it (not talking about forcing yourself to have sex with men in order to fit in) then they are simply not a lesbian.

Bisexuals can also have sex with whoever they want you know, there's nothing wrong with aknowledging your sexuality for what it is.

[colorisbyshe]

People really struggle with the idea that there is no monolithic “nonbinary” experience and that many, many nonbinary people are not in the “middle” of the “gender spectrum” but that we all have different placements (and some have MULTIPLE placements) and that, for some of us, our place on the spectrum can be very, very close to “woman” and “man.” Or more close to “woman” and “man” than not.

And that that’s why nonbinary people can be included in straight and gay orientations. Because some of us are aligned with womanhood or manhood in a way where we know that, sometimes, when people say “women” or “man,” we are included in that.

Those of us that CAN fall under a broader understanding of “woman” or “man” know when we are included in those terms and don’t need messy language like “women and nonbinary people” or (often worse) “women and femmes.” Those of us who are included... include ourselves. Those who do not belong under “woman” or “man” just... do not include themselves in those terms.

And sometimes that inclusion is situational. Sometimes, I, a nonbinary woman, hear the term “woman” and go, “Sure, that’s me,” and, sometimes, I go “Not my ass.” For some nonbinary people, their ONLY connection to womanhood or manhood is their lesbianism or gayness. When they feel attraction to women, that’s the point of connection and sameness that they don’t otherwise feel (or if it’s a nonbinary man, their attraction to men).

And that’s how nonbinary people can be included in lesbianism without it being a “bisexual” lesbianism. The only nonbinary people included in lesbianism are the nonbinary people who hear “woman” and at least sometimes go “Sure, that’s me.” Lesbians are women attracted to women and no one else. It’s just that... some nonbinary people are included in that understanding of women.

It’s not... a deeply complicated concept. Women attracted to women (cis, trans, and nonbinary) are lesbians. Women attracted to women and people who are not women--men, nonbinary people who do not identify with womanhood at all or identify as men as well as women--are... bisexual.

Like I need people to look into my eyes and know that I, a nonbinary woman, am not misgendered when people are attracted to me because of the >woman< part of nonbinary woman. If someone completely ignores that there is a “nonbinary” bit modifying said womanhood, yes, I am being misgendered, but... erasing my womanhood that I have spent years coming to terms with is... also bad.

And nonbinary people know that our identities are often messy and challenge people’s understanding of binary genders but that’s... the point? Like if gender could have a point, that would be the point of many nonbinary genders.

So, please, stop using nonbinary people as an excuse to be lesbophobic (AND biphobic). You are not being more inclusive by insisting that any lesbian attracted to a nonbinary woman is actually bisexual. You are being exclusive and are, in many ways, misgendering the nonbinary people involved.

Using the term “non men” to say “non men attracted to only non-men” is not helping out nonbinary people, lesbians, or bisexuals either. So knock that ugly shit off too. Lesbianism is about womanhood. An inclusive womanhood. But exclusively that inclusive womanhood.

[fandomshatewomen]

I wasn't accusing all First Kill fans of being homophobic, I was accusing the ones outright lying about Heartstopper because they begrudge other queer viewers their own rep. You do know wlw can be homophobic towards boys/men, right? There's been a lot of low-key homophobia and biphobia about Heartstopper as a response to First Kill's cancellation. They have zero to do with each other but many First Kill fans chose Heartstopper of all Netflix shows to make a point out of. Heartstopper has lesbian and trans rep as well but many seem unaware of that fact because they want nothing to do with a mlm-centric show and have been saying even before the cancellation that young mlm supposedly have enough rep and teen wlw shows would be better. If the situation was reversed, no one would be challenging the assertion that Heartstopper fans were being lesbophobic for constantly bringing up First Kill and only First Kill, implying the show was unnecessary and its lesbian rep unimportant, and just making things up to support the idea First Kill benefitted from a bias against mlm specifically.

I'm really REALLY tempted to just turn off anon but this is basically your last warning.

You have no proof that first kill fans have been homophobic/biphobic against heartstopper. I'm actually one of the few that hasn't watched both because of life interfering.

STOP PITTING FK FANS AGAINST HS FANS. ITS STUPID AND ONLY THE CISHETS WIN BECAUSE OF IT.

instead of goddamn fighting netflix and demanding for fk back from another network you're wasting my time and yours.

the next time you accuse wlw for not standing with mlm remember that it was lesbians that helped gay men during the aids crisis. this infighting is just making me want to turn off anon. its not actually accomplishing anything.

mod laina

[risukin]

"lets just get along!" they say on a post about bi women being lesbophobic and "we should just kiss not fight-_-" they cry on a post about a lesbian being biphobic. we will never stop dealing with intercommunity issues if u keep sweeping them under a rug and gaslighting anyone who dares challenge the notion that pretending it doesnt happen means it never happened in the first place. do better for ur community and the people it harbors. bc i know it sure as shit isnt showing thru tasteless boring "i support x and y!" "bi women r valid >_^" "lesbians r valid ^_<" posts u rb every couple of months when someone points out ur (x)phobia and you use those to shut them down. we can all see through it (that is unless u choose not to. anyways)

[high-fructose-jay-syrup]

[Image ID for the original image: a series of seven banners, forming a pastel rainbow flag with white at the bottom, reading "This user hates lesbophobes," "This user hates panphobes," "This user hates homophobes," "This user hates arophobes," "This user hates biphobes," "This user hates acephobes," and "This user hates transphobes." The banners have the lesbian, pan, gay, aro, bi, ace and trans flags next to them respectively. End ID]

[Image ID for the image in the reblog: the first banner ("This user hates lesbophobes") expanded and edited to read "This user believes that though it’s very tempting to hate people for the queerphobic beliefs that they carry, ultimately the only thing that can make the world a more accepting place for LGBTQ+ people is loving and being in relationship with people who carry those queerphobic beliefs, challenging those beliefs whenever they are expressed. This does NOT mean permitting them to express and act upon their beliefs. It does NOT mean attempting to find a compromise with them. (Rebecca Solnit: “You do better bringing people out of delusion by being kind and inviting than by mocking them, but that’s inviting them to come over, which is not the same thing as heading in their direction.”) And it does NOT mean that anybody who has been hurt by these people or their queerphobic beliefs is required to forgive them or required to be in relationship with them, regardless of whether they change their beliefs. If you don’t think you can manage to be in relationship with them right now or ever, that is okay. If you hate them right now and wish they would burn in hell, that is a valid emotion to feel. Not everyone has the mental or emotional capacity to do the work of being in relationship with someone who carries queerphobic beliefs and constantly fighting back (kindly) against the views they express, and that is okay. But what is not okay is spreading and encouraging this message of hatred." end ID]

Stop it with the hate, my loves. Hating someone for their own hateful beliefs is better than hating someone for an identity that doesn't harm anyone, but it's still hate. And ultimately it won't solve anything.

In case it wasn’t clear…

[crucifythenburn]

Dear bi blogs,

I just had to unfollow a supposedly bisexual blog because they kept reblogging biphobic rhetoric, and honestly, wtf man. Like, bi women barely have any safe spaces as it is. I don't need to see how 'bi women need to stop complaining about how Lesbian's won't date them boohoohoo' without a shred of nuance on a fucking bi blog! You look stupid and your contribution to the degradation, dehumanization, and infantilization of bi women is not progressive. It's lazy and I'm tired.

Like, yes, call out lesbophobia in the bi community. Yes. I'm here for it. I'll cosign it. I'll reblog the shit out of it. Because a Lesbian's boundaries are hers and they should be honored and respected just like any other woman's boundaries should. But that doesn't mean that you get to hop the fence and participate in biphobia as some misguided attempt at solidarity without being dragged by your ears for it just because you're a fellow bi. If a women-loving-woman won't date another women-loving-woman solely because that woman is bisexual, guess what? Guess. Fucking. What. Did you guess? No? Well let me help you. *bangs pots and pans* That is biphobia. And the reverse would be lesbophobic. Honestly, this isn't fucking hard.

I understand that there is a ton of nuance here that I haven't the patience to unpack in this post (but if you want to go that route I have ample capability and time today), but the fact forever remains that unless someone's sexuality somehow contributes to your oppression, having an aversion toward an individual or a group based on that sexuality is, by definition, phobic. That is a real thing. No mental gymnastics required.

And I know this is a crazy concept, but you, as a bisexual, are allowed to call out biphobia, whenever, wherever. And while everyone is entitled to the intellectual laziness of preference, everyone is also allowed to have their biphobia challenged and to die mad about it. So how about show some solidarity with actual bi people, and stop trying to win the Woke Bi Olympics by co-signing those who think it's undesirable to have the capacity to be attracted to multiple genders, regardless of how that capacity is even fucking expressed sexually. These people don't deserve our solidarity.

Do better, bi blogs. We need you.

[println-archive]

@justforthebs

so you and my boyfriend have been arguing all day practically about whether or not monosexual privilege is real and whether or not mod v is a lesbophobe

so, below is me reading all the sources you cited and telling you why it still in no way says anything about monosexual privilege existing. all it shows is some lesbian and gay people are biphobic (just like how some bi people are homophobic, just like how some trans people are nbphobic, just like how some nb people are transphobic)

under the cut for length

1. Erasure of Bisexuality - GLAAD

the main and most seemingly damning piece in this part of the article is clearly the info graph, so i will address that first. 

i will only address the first bullet and the last bullet because the otherones don’t mention the L or the G in any way. now, the first bullet is impossible to confirm or deny based on the fact no study will be able to take into account undiagnosed mood disorders, those who have DIED due to mood disorders, nor the LGB people who are not out/willing to partake in a study on this

the final point is similar because it doesn’t study what level the tobacco use is and, again, it’s impossible to study closeted people

basically, any studies based on “rates” or “percentages” wrt the LGBT community is a pointless study unless it’s meant to have a narrow lens because, due to marginalization, it’s impossible to know whether someone is straight or simply in the closet.

also the line graph at the bottom says “health in relation to sexual orientation” but neither the first nor the last points are necessarily about sexual orientation specific things. they are both mental health related which, considering i dont have details on this study being cited, could have been a bad study

keep in mind a good study takes into account controls like class and race, so if the people in question studied a lot of poor people than rates of tobacco use would go up

and for my final point on the graph: what study is it even referring to? i’ve read this article multiple times and it doesn’t cite any sources for the infograph. it siply says that the image is from bisexual resource center, not the study that it is sourcing

finally, the rest of the article at no point refers to the lgbt community specifically aside from a brief hypothetical. and, surprisingly, hypothetical scenarios aren’t valid sources.

2.  WHAT IS BI-PHOBIA, BI-ERASURE, AND BI VISIBILITY? - Queer Grace

this is a blog, not a very good article/source to cite given that blogs are opinion based more often than not, just like tumblr blogs! but i will read through regardless just keep in mind for future debates that blogs aren’t sources

 they linked further reading but the places where the LGBT community is mentioned does not include any further reading relating back to biphobia in the LGBT community (and given the idea of monosexual privilege has no basis without assuming that biphobia in the LGBT community is systemic, nothing that upholds the idea of monosexuality aside from more opinion pieces with no sources like this one)

below are the only paragraphs that talk specifically about the LGBT community:

“Sadly, these stereotypes are held against bisexual people by both straight people and by the gay and lesbian community.  Some gay/lesbian people are also resentful of a bisexual person’s ability to “pass” as straight if they are with a partner of a different gender.  Although bisexuality has been included in the common LGBT initialism since the 1990s, misunderstandings and stereotypes about bisexuality still persist in the LGBTQ community. “

“ Biphobia persists in both straight and gay/lesbian communities in large part because of monosexism.  Both straight and gay/lesbian people experience monosexuality — a sexual orientation towards only one gender.  It can be difficult for straight and gay/lesbian people to imagine the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender.  This  can perpetuate the belief that everyone experiences sexual orientation in the same way.  The belief that sexual orientation can only be towards one gender is called monosexism. “

yes, that is it!

for the first quote: thats called intercommunity issues/aggression. it’s similar to the fact some bisexual people are extremely homophobic or transphobic-- it’s bad but if one is systemic than so is the other, which would mean we are somehow all oppressing each other simultaneously

and the second quote: a definition of what the term monosexual is and then a hypothetical scenario of how, theoretically, this could lead to biphobia. still not proof of monosexual privilege

2.  Bisexual Invisibility: The LGBT Community’s Dirty Little Secret - Huffington Post

as a whole, we have to stop referring to huffington post because they are known for their lesbophobia (here is their tag on tumblr user liberal-lesbophobia’s blog full of receipts where huff post has been lesbophobic)

now that we have that out of the way let me get into the article

the most semmingly damning part of this article is the study of bi women (where the sources cited have since been deleted for some reason)

“The two recent studies from the Journal of Bisexuality explore the correlation between this bisexual exclusion and poor mental health among bisexuals. The first study — conducted by Corey E. Flanders of the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto, Cheryl Dobson of the Planned Parenthood Toronto, and Carmen Logie of the University of Toronto — surveyed 34 non-monosexual women (both cisgender and transgender) of different ethnic backgrounds between the ages of 16 and 29 to discuss ways biphobia and monosexism affected their mental health. Many of the participants reported not only encountering professionals who were clueless about bisexuality, but also feeling unwanted at Pride events just for being bisexual. The results indicated “young bisexual women perceive monosexism and biphobia as significant challenges to their mental health at the institutional, community, interpersonal and intrapersonal level.”

most of this is not clear on whether the aggression is coming from straight or gay people until the last part. now the last part is again an experience of biphobia in the community. but that still isn’t proof of monosexual privilege. it’s proof that people are biphobic sometimes, which is bad yes but is not the basis of oppression on a systemic level!

and if we can just cite personal accounts like this than isten to me when i’ve said that i’ve felt unwanted at LGBT events in my area because i’m gay. because i have! 

now onto the quote about the second study

“The second study — conducted by Tangela S. Roberts and Sharon G. Horne of the University of Massachusetts, and William T. Hoyt of the University of Madison-Wisconsin — surveyed 745 bisexuals of a various ages, genders, and ethnicities (although 80% of the participants were white) to share their stories of experiencing biphobia. Although the bisexuals surveyed experienced more biphobia from straight people, they also experienced an alarming amount of biphobia from lesbians and gays. “

so the 80% white people-- not a very diverse group-- of 745 bisexuals-- not a very large group-- of varying ages and genders-- not a very controlled experiment-- said they mostly experienced biphobia from straight people but also from LG people. an “alarming” amount, whatever that means.

so we don’t even know the percentage of this messy noncontrolled small white survey that experience biphobia from LG people much less if they somehow were feeding into the cisheteropatriarchy to the point where they have privilege. next.

“A 2011 study conducted by Joseph Robinson and Dorothy Espelage of the Illinois College of Education revealed that 33% of LGBTQ students surveyed reported thinking about suicide during the past month, compared to 44% of bisexual youth, placing bisexuals at a higher risk. The report also noted that bisexual youths “were at elevated risk of suicide attempts, with more than 21% reporting that they had made at least one attempt during the prior year.”

this study doesn’t say how many people were surveyed, doesn’t take into account the circumstances that makes one contemplate suicide, doesn’t mention the percentage of each sexuality within the LGBTQ group, doesn’t mention the amount of the bisexual people who were also trans, and doesn’t even give sources for it’s last claim. and even without these issues only studies the climate of one universiry in illinois

also, the source itself even says that what they’re describing is miniscule at best with this quote:  “Essentially it’s like saying that two people are yelling at you, but one voice is a decibel higher. Yes, statistically one voice is more significant, but the difference between the two voices is small.” - Tangela Roberts

4. Mental Health Biphobia Brochure - Bisexual Resource Center

keep in mind i won’t be able to quote this source because it’s an image of a pdf

the summary of the pages is that bi people face mental health issues because of biphobia from straight and LG people alike. none of this was up for debate. this says nothing about whether or not monosexual privilege exists and barely even talks about biphobia in the LGBTQ community in any way other than “sometimes people say bad things”. 

5.  Biphobia: The Attitude that Plagues the LGBTQ Community - One Equal World

again, this is a blog post so keep in mind what i said about the last blog post

below is the only part of the article that refers to any sources:

Activist, scholar, and bisexual Robyn Ochs writes that “Gay- and lesbian-identified individuals frequently view us as either confused or interlopers possessing a degree of privilege not available to them, and many heterosexuals see us as amoral, hedonistic spreaders of disease and disrupters of families,” touching on how lesbians and gays, as well as heterosexuals, perceive bisexual people. Because heterosexual people have societal privilege, some believe that gays and lesbians further persecute the already marginalized bisexuals in their LGBTQ community as a means of establishing their superiority.

Bisexual author Amy Andre possesses the same attitude as Ochs, developed by harrowing personal experience. She explains that the bisexual identity is constantly perceived as illegitimate, and that she has received equal ill treatment from the gay community and heterosexuals. According to Andre, “Homophobia typically says, ‘The way you love is not equal to the way I love,’ but biphobia says, ‘You don’t love. I don’t/can’t/won’t believe in the possibility of the way you love,’” dissecting the difference between homophobia and the way that bisexuals are perceived.

Ochs’ and Andre’s examples outline the root of biphobia: the belief that bisexuals are confused, or fake, or wrong about their own deeply personal sexual identity. Understanding the roots of biphobia will be a critical tool in achieving universal equality for all sexual orientations.

this is simply describing the difference between how biphobia and homophobia are conceived while also saying that they overlap. Ochs quote, also, simply says that some LG people hold biphobic ideals and voice them in ugly ways which, again, isn’t up for debate.

6.  Why don't the LGBT community care about bi people? - DAZED

the incorrect grammar in the title is discouraging. as is the inclusion of the B as people who don’t care about bi people and the T as though trans bi people don’t exist. as is the fact it’s stated to be an opinion piece.

the first paragraph is just saying how cis white men in the community are prioritized which is real because of transphobia and racism and sexism so let’s continue to the second paragraph

“The extensive report highlighted in particular the fact that the Pride board closed registrations early for the parade, meaning that not one bisexual group had a chance to register in time. No allowance was made for a late registration, and a bi parade entry was included only following an uproar on social media. The report also cited concerns about “biphobic remarks” made by a Cabaret Stage Presenter and Parade commentator. The CAB recommends that to compensate for these failures and to “combat bi erasure more generally, ‘Pride in London should follow the example of Tel Aviv Pride this year, by making bi people the central focus of the Pride Parade in 2018 or 2019”.

this is basically just an example of poor event planning. no late registration for sure means that floats other than the bi floats were excluded but the fact that they didn’t have ANY by the close date for registration and did nothing to change it does imply that the organizer is biphobic.

which, again, was never up for debate. so the one dude who organized that one pride parade might be biphobic. that does not in any way prove monosexual privilege

the article then goes on to cite personal experiences and tweets which, if we’re using that as sources, than you could say that the bi community has privilege over gay people because i’ve felt unwelcome and faced homophobia in LGBT spaces from bi people. but you shouldn’t because that would be untrue, illogical, and biphobic. 

just like how assuming that all gays and lesbians are biphobic and hold societal power over bisexuals because there’s a problem where some are biphobic is homophobic.

(also a LOT of the tweets sourced are about straight people, not LG people)

basically, the only valid point made is how media portrays bisexuals. but what it doesn’t acknowledge is that the shows listed (the OC, the L word, and btvs) also treat the gay people on them poorly. it’s a classic case of hypervisibility vs erasure. neither is a privilege.

7.  Show Us the Money: Funding for Bisexual Community Lacking - Huffington Post

insert my previous note about the huffpost being lesbophobic and keep that in mind

Fact 3: We bisexual people don’t get any. According to the latest report from Funders for LGBTQ Issues, the total amount given from foundations for bi-specific grants in 2009 and 2010 (the last two years of available data) was $0.

The report states:

The 2010 report contains some positive indicators as well as some that continue to challenge our sector... Grants dollars increased by 12 percent to the lesbian community and by 24 percent to gay men. Though the number of transgender-focused grants increased, the amount of total dollars to transgender issues decreased by 5 percent, and support to bisexual-focused issues remained at zero for the second year in a row.

Zero. As in, not one single dollar. For two years.

this is true but what is also true is that this funding is from STRAIGHT PEOPLE more often than not. and what is also ture is that, because of erasure, gay and lesbian is used as an umbrella term for the community by a lot of people-- that isn’t good but it means that the money allotted to gay people is most likely meant to be for the whole community.

and now as the article continues, the author literally states that they think that a lot of this is due to sexism because of how bisexuals are viewed as women oftentimes

If you ask me, it seems not just biphobic but sexist. After all, research from the Williams Institute and other sources shows that most people who identify as bisexual are women. So when we add this all up, what this means is that women in the LGBT community are being excluded from access to financial resources. Foundations that give money to LGBT issues are disproportionately favoring men and prioritizing men’s concerns. As a feminist I find this problematic on multiple levels. For one thing, like bisexuals, women have greater need. And for another, economic discrimination on the basis of gender, which is already all too common in the non-LGBT world, has no place in ours. As a community whose foundation is sexuality and gender identity politics itself, we are de facto poised for feminist analysis and action.

so, basically, this still has nothign to do with onosexual privilege and this article, regardless of it’s accuracy (which is debatable), had nothing to do with your point anyway!

8.  Why Bisexual People Face "Double Discrimination" - Refinery 29

this article is repeating the study about mental health that was used in a previous article except with different wording so refer to #2 -- the main difference in the articles is that Refinery 29′s is shorter and never refers to the idea of monosexual privilege or monosexuality at all.

that being said if these are different studies, the conclusions are the same and from what i can tell the parameters of the study are the same so my response is, you guessed it, the same

9.  STUDY: Biphobia Puts Bisexual Men at Risk for STIs - Advocate

keep in mind that Advocate isn’t the best source considering it condones Call Me By Your Name

this mainly talkes about how men who have sex with men and women regardless of their sexuality are at a higher risk for STIs than straight people and the article says “possibly” gay people-- it doesn’t say for certain because it isn’t known for certain.

“Societal biphobia — negative attitudes and behaviors toward bisexual individuals — is more prevalent than antigay sentiment," said study author William Jeffries of the Division of HIV/AIDS at the CDC’s National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, and TB Prevention, in a press release. "It is sometimes perpetrated by lesbians and gay men, and public health professionals who interact with MSMW. Biphobia can manifest in erroneous beliefs that MSMW are closeted gay men and, particularly for black men, responsible for HIV transmission to women.”

"Experiencing these sentiments can contribute to MSMW’s social isolation and psychological distress, which in turn may promote HIV/STI risk through substance use, sexual risk behaviors, and avoidance of prevention services," Jeffries continued. "Researchers have argued that biphobia may explain some MSMW’s HIV testing avoidance, substance use, and high number of sexual partners. For example, because biphobia manifests in beliefs that bisexuality is not a legitimate sexual orientation, MSMW may feel inclined to publicly validate their bisexuality through multiple sexual partnerships with men and women.”

when you read through this,it contains the biphobia i stated before isnt up for debate and then implies that bi people have too much sex and do intravenous drugs which is a weirdly biphobic sentiment without and sources backing it up-- did you read your own sources? or did you trust a clickbaity title?

Conclusion

none of your sources proved anything and most of them didn’t even refer to the idea of monosexuality much less the idea of monosexual privilege.

what you cite as monosexual privilege is noncontrolled studies and horizontal aggression which, being horizontal, goes both ways. it’s also personal experiences with lateral/horizontal aggression which, if count as proof of systemic oppression and privilege, means that people in the bi community all have privilege over me because i’ve faced a lot of homophobia and feeling unwelcome in the community from bi people irl-- but guess what! they don’t. because not all bi people are like that and they don’t hold power over me wrt sexuality and vice versa

[hussyknee]

I’m supporting trans people who have pointed out the similarities of TERF ideology and REGs. As a cis person I cannot speak over your lived experience of being trans. It does not mean I cannot recognize the rooted thinking behind oppressive and toxic ideologies. That is not what Stay In Your Lane means. I have no idea what the hell you’ve been reading, but remember "We’re queer and we’re here”, “Queer Power”? Calling “queer” a slur when LGBTQ elders have repeatedly asserted the value of the word, the fight for its reclamation and its importance in LGBT history IS erasing queer history. Maybe talk to older people who lived through Stonewall and the AIDS crisis sometime. I will also thank you to not call my identity and those trans, enby and non-het people who identify as queer a slur.

Keeping asexuals and aromantics out of LGBT spaces leads to their erasure and alienation and no one to turn to when they face death threats, corrective rape, institutionalization, homelessness and the gamut of other violence faced by people who do not conform to the expectation of the cis heteronormative patriarchy. Expecting people to show proof that they are killed for their sexual orientation before y'all see fit to admit them to queer spaces is FUCKED. It’s horrible, callous, purist thinking and also lateral oppression. And yeah, REGs have been known to actively threaten aro/aces and invalidate not just their sexuality but also the whole concept of the split attraction model where a majority of queer people now find meaning and sense-making.

Cis people oppress trans people. Gay men and lesbians (both cis and trans) can be biphobic and aphobic. Bisexuals (again both cis and trans) can be panphobic and aphobic. Asexuals (cis and trans) can be homophobic and lesbophobic. Straight trans people can have privilege over non-het folks. Alloromantics (of every orientation) can oppress aromantics. The LGBTQ coalition has never been free of lateral oppression, erasure of other sexual and gender identities, and inter-group violence. Even within any given group, there has always been discrimination. As a coalition it has never been a safe space, least of all to its Jewish, Muslim and PoC members. What it is, is a political counterpoint and challenge to patriarchal cisnormativity, heteronormativity, mononormativity, amatonormativity and all it’s associated social mores. It is a movement based on inclusivity and a shared objective dismantle these oppressive gender and sexual expectations. Asexuality is not cis heteronormative, nor is aromanticism. We are here to welcome anyone whose identities cannot find space within the accepted norms of mainstream society.

You guys trying to push anyone who doesn’t conform to YOUR expectations of what queer should be out of the movement because you think they are unsafe, gender/het privileged is basically exactly what both TERFs AND the homophobes do. Different names, different actors but the same myopia, self-obsession, dehumanization, lack of empathy, sexual policing and callous refusal to learn and understand. It’s the violence of black and white thinking encouraged by this hellhole site and somehow always finds traction in the youngest members on it. Probably because like all radical movements, it begins by validating your personal trauma and your sense of powerlessness, offers clear cut targets, discourages self-reflective thinking, validates bullying by presenting a false universal victim/oppressor dynamic and somehow convinces you that blind rage is the most effective tool in your arsenal, by which point any inclination toward learning, empathizing, nuanced thinking and HEALING will have been thrown out the window.

You’re 16, so you aren’t going to listen to a word I say that doesn’t already line up with what you know, cause Lord knows I didn’t. Which again, is part of why I don’t engage with minors. I really hope you think differently in ten years. Until them, I suggest we stop needlessly triggering each other and go back to our own lives. Ciao.

Keep your motherfucking asexual discourse off the ableism tag, you aphobic little shits.